There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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