yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
