VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
