The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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