I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
