Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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