Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
