This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
