You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
