Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
