Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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