Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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