Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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