hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
