In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
