So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
