the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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