And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
