WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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