The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You pole danced in your parka.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
