I wish my penis had an off switch
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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