worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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