I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
