stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
