I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
