There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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