there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
