I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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