Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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