I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
