im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
When are your genitals available?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
