What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
