hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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