I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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