I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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