i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
