Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
