I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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