So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
