dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
barbara walters just said penis...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
