Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
