There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need a burrito and a hug.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
