i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
