i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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