My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
