I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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