Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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