You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
