I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
