They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
