really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He passed out mid-signature
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
